Believe Aloneness, Be aware of loneliness

Loneliness and aloneness in the dictionaries are synonymous, but existence does not follow your dictionaries.

Loneliness is absence, aloneness is Presence - It is existence. A pendulum can never be at peace - away from its center. Hence the excitement of being in a relation and sorrow of not being in a relation.

So while you are in the relationship you can create a little illusion to forget your loneliness. But the truth still persists - aloneness. Hence even in a happy relation the fear shows up, shows up when the two are not playful, when the two are not distracted with child games. Hence the need for continuous talking in a relation.

Your whole life's experience supports that things go on changing. Nothing remains stable; you cannot cling to anything in a changing world. You wanted to make your friendship, your happiness with partner or everything permanent but your wanting is against the law of change, and that law is not going to make exceptions. It simply goes on doing its own thing. It will change -- everything - everything existent! If not at the metaphysical level, then yes at the Physical level - Death.

It may take a little time for you to understand. You want this friend to be your friend forever, but tomorrow he turns into an enemy. Or simply -- "You get lost!" and he is no longer with you. Analyze This. Here the 3 Gunas stand between the Gyana indriyas and the Karma indriyas and feed the nonexistent 'I' center. The 'I' never was and never should be. Aloneness should be, but is not. But still the lesson never goes so deep that you stop asking for permanence. So a good experiment in a bumpy relation is to enjoy the aloneness. For this meditation help. If you cannot be at peace with yourself, it becomes difficult to be at peace with others, even your partner.

Society has tried to make arrangements so you can forget loneliness. Marriages are just an effort so that you know your wife is with you. All religions resist divorce for the simple reason that if divorce is allowed then the basic purpose marriage was invented for is destroyed. Then the so called society crumbles, if man were to know the Aloneness in him. So in a way - Society is - because Aloneness isn’t. And society will not allow you to know your aloneness. If society is not there, then there are no politicians, priests, organizations and yes if you know aloneness, then the husband looses power, the wife looses power, the kids looses power. This is unacceptable to each of these individuals. So they don’t approve of your knowing aloneness.

So if you know your aloneness, and not fear loneliness, then you need not fear the society, the relations. You then live for yourself, truth in actions. Then actions don’t become reactions. Then you marry because you want to marry, you stay in a relation because you want to and not for others - that others be it society, be it so called loved ones. A fallacy here is that, if the loved ones were truly loved ones then they should be happy for your happiness and not the society’s happiness. The teaching of Gita is to be then remembered here - Be a lotus, live in the dirt, but remain a little above it. Then radiate the inner bliss.

Good to give a thought about why we need a relation, a partner. You were lonely, fearing aloneness. So you find another person who is fearing aloneness, a common enemy. Thrown in are some alice in wonderland situations and the two get married. The real enemy is the swept under the carpet. But the truth remains, the fear remains. So wake up and face your fear - Aloneness. It’s your real friend. It will liberate you.

Religions have tried to make you a member of an organized body of religion so you are always in a crowd. You feel that there are billions of worshipers; you are not alone. God is your savior. God is with you. A technique to keep your fear of loneliness alive because once you become comfortable with aloneness, then society, religion, husband, wife, friend looses their power. And they don’t want that.

God was a device, but all devices have failed. It was a device... when nothing is there; at least God is with you. He is always everywhere with you. In the dark night of the soul, he is with you -- don't be worried. Again the false hope of fighting loneliness. Remember society thrives on this false hope. And society is nothing but Power in few hands to control the more.

Now the question arises, what is a healthy relation? It does not mean that a man who is centered in his aloneness, complete in himself, cannot make friends, cannot have a partner -- in fact only he can make healthy relationships, because now relationships are no longer a need. When you are in need of something - you fight for it. So always be aware of relationships being a need because when the need is not there, the suffocation is not felt.

Relationships can be of two types. One is a relationship in which you are a beggar -- you need something from the other to help your loneliness -- and the other is also a beggar; he wants the same from you. And naturally two beggars cannot help each other. Soon they will see that their begging from a beggar has doubled or multiplied the need. Hence the importance of Aloneness and realizing it to take relationships forward. So everybody is frustrated and angry, and everybody feels he is being cheated, deceived in a relation at some point.

The other kind of relationship, the other kind of love, has a totally different quality. You are not the beggar in this. It is not of need, it is Nothingness, Openness and Emptiness. Rivers just flow into this Ocean of Emptiness. The Ocean does not express the Need. It knows its aloneness. So don’t fear aloneness if relationships are to be truly happy. Cos when there is no need, there is no question of clinging. You flow with existence; you flow with life's change, because it doesn't matter with whom you share. You can love a person, and if the person loves somebody else there will not be any jealousy, because your love was not out of need. It was not a clinging.